Won't You Be My Neighbor? How Your Presence Closes Social Distancing.

In light of the World Health Organization declaring coronavirus a pandemic, social distancing is being recommended, and in many organizations, required. Avoiding touch is critical in order to slow the spread of COVID-19. At the same time, human beings are social creatures and need contact. Isolation is painful and can even be dangerous in its own way.

There are many simple things we can do to be less alone. In this post, I’m going to briefly share a way of feeling closer to others, even at a distance. It is so basic, it’s likely to be overlooked.

It is simply being present—being present with another person. Presence includes being conscious of our body, our feelings, our thoughts and our yearnings to connect and belong with others. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy says, "presence is momentary and fleeting." That's ok. We can increase the amount of time we're present.

This is actually one of the key elements of our approach to coaching at the Wright Foundation. My job is to co-create conversations with my clients that facilitate their ability to develop creative solutions to challenges they are facing. Being present, here and now, is fundamental to doing this. It is only in the present moment that we can make meaningful change.

Now—and this is very important—we don’t have to be in the same room with someone else to be present with them. Starting yesterday, I’m doing my coaching sessions online until the pandemic decree is lifted. And I do feel sad about that. I like meeting with people in person. And it’s important to feel sad when we lose something meaningful to us. By letting myself feel sad, I’m able to then meaningfully focus on creating what I care about—which in this case is being present with others.

And that’s an important tip about being present—did you catch it? It’s allowing yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. If you’re resisting feeling your emotions, you won’t be able to connect with someone else as deeply as you’d like to. And the person you’re talking to won’t be able to feel your presence as much because, when you’re avoiding feeling your feelings, you’re avoiding being yourself. You’re avoiding being present. So feel the feels!

You can take those feelings and steer your experience and interactions towards what you want, including being closer to others. So, another tip to being more present is to choose to notice what you like. As subtle as this may sound, it is actually a significant component of being present. Having a gratitude practice is a popular thing now. And giving thanks to the god of whatever religion you identify with has been an important ritual for a very long time. In Drs Judith and Bob Wright’s book about creating successful and satisfying relationships, rule number one is to accentuate the positive. When the American movie producer Tom Shadyac traveled the world asking top scientists and religious leaders “What is wrong with the world?” someone told him, if you want to make the world a better place, you’re asking the wrong question. Start by asking “What is wonderful about the world?”

How we choose to see the world directly affects the world we share.

There are myriad ways to develop the skill of being present. These are just a couple of tips that should help you to feel closer to those you encounter, even long distance. At the Wright Foundation, we have several weekend trainings dedicated to deepening presence. It would take me hours to describe the school’s total approach to being connected to others. But I did want to share a few things to help get more present.

Needing to find ways to be present in a health crisis underlines the importance of human connection. You know, on one hand we don't want to spread a virus. That makes sense. And on the other hand, human connection, human touch, being with each other is so important.

Even now, as I’m talking to everyone viewing this, I’m thinking of Mr. Rogers and how he looks into the camera with great intent, so that we the viewers will feel that he really cares about us —exactly as we are. Even in remote circumstances, we need to engage at a level at which we can do the same. This virus and your response to it does not have to define you. You can continue to have a life that is radiant and exciting while living mutually in the energy of people you meet via Skype, Zoom, and other technology every day. What is essential is that you recognize that you are present everywhere you are, even remotely, all the time.

Below is more information about presence and connection.